I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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