you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
