Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
