She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
