Jerry, you need to find god
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
