No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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