I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
two words...techno handjob
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
