Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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