I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
