nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am one with the molecules
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
