Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
