He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
