i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize