Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
