we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
