You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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