I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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