the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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