Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
