We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
