the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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