Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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