just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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