My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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