Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
