How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
