Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
