I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
