the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
