and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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