The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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