I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
