We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This is not my ceiling
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
