sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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