funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
