She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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