Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
