I faked an abortion last night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
