i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
