She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
