ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
