Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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