I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
