He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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