White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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