2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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