Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
