Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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