I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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