Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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