Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
