I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
