I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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