Quick, to the slutcave!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
