Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize