you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
