I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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