dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize