sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize