I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
