I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
