Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
