i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator