Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?