Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often