Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.