Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
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Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.