What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
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Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??