At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
