dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
