how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
