Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
